Anyone who believes death and taxes to be life’s only certainties has clearly never tried evading either. Thanks to a regimen of placenta smoothies and afterbirth omelettes, my chances of becoming immortal have never looked better, while the less said about the tax thing the better. If anyone asks, I dindu nuffin.

 

Who was kill?

In the words of ED, “death is the ultimate escape from your flesh prison”. It only seems apt, then, that Ed Uncovered should recite 50 great names for the greatest escape of all. In truth, most of these words are for murder, a pastime our species excels at, both in methodology and nomenclature. We’ll get to the messy stuff in a sec, but first, let’s dispense with death’s gentler euphemisms.

Nice names for death

★ Beyond the veil

★ Bitten the dust

sleeps with the fishes

Richey Aprile sleeps with the fishes

★ Taking a dirt nap

★ Riding the pale horse

★ Pushing daisies

★ Sleeping with the fishes

★ Six feet under

★ Wearing a pine overcoat

For more niceties, see Wikipedia

Internet names for death

★ IRL permabanned

★ Pwned

★ Pool’s closed

★ Become an hero (suicide)

Spanish names for death

★ Estirar la pata

★ Irse al otro barrio

★ Pasar a mejor vida

★ Espichar

★ Palmarla

★ Dar de comer a los gusanos

★ Estar criando malvas

 Street names for murder

Let’s get one thing straight: no right-minded individual commits murder. They body cunts. They off mo’s. They 187 pigs and ice snitches. Becoming a cold-blooded killer couldn’t be simpler:

1. Read How to Commit the Perfect Murder / How to Become a Serial Killer

2. Learn the lingo below

3. Pick a vic

4. ???

5. PROFIT

 

Murder words

★ Iceddeath names

★ Dropped

★ Bodied

★ 187’d (Fuck da po-leese)

★ Rubbed out

★ Wiped

★ Wasted

★ Taken out

★ Slain

★ Slaughtered

★ Dispatched

★ Liquidated

★ Offed

★ Creamed

★ Bought a one-way ticket

★ Bought it

remove kebab★ Done in

★ Exterminated

★ Removed

★ Bumped off

★ X’d

★ Snuffed out

★ Hosed

★ Tango down

★ Whacked

★ Ganked

★ Popped

★ Smoked

★ Lit “Shorty pulled out the Gat and lit him up”

★ Blown away

★ Clipped

 

Ed Uncovered’s freshly smoked names for death

names for killing★ Taken a long heady down

★ Gitmo’d

★ Rage quit (To die fighting)

★ Betamax (Obsolete)

★ To have felt your final feel

★ Papped (When you piss and crap yourself at the moment of death)

★ Gone to the snackbar (Allahu Akbar)

★ IS’d (Iced at the hands of an Islamic militia)

★ Cucked (A fate worse than death, unless you’re into that shit, in which case it’s just degenerate)

★ Passata (To have suffered a messy death) 

★ Zeroed (i.e 0% battery)

★ 404’d

 feelium

“He…didn’t make it.”

By Ed Uncovered

 

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