“Fingerbating”
Men fap. Men wank. Men jack it in San Diego. Men spank, choke and stroke it before cumming with the force of 1,000 suns. Men have all the fun, huh?
Not so. In Ed Uncovered’s 50 Great Names series, men may have come first, but women are the ones who get to come harder, longer and more often. Are you sitting comfortably, ladies? Then unclasp your ham wallet and let’s begin. It’s time to butter the whisker biscuit.
Names for female masturbation
★ Tripping the switch
★ Saucing the taco
★ Gilding the lily
★ Battery testing
★ Taming the shrew
★ Beating around the bush
★ Clubbing the clam
★ Finger painting
★ Muffin buffin’
★ Polishing the pearl
★ Visiting the finger vault
★ Getting lost in the deep end
★ Singing in the shower
Trust me, you don’t.
★ Opening the ham wallet
★ Double clicking the mouse
★ Finding Nemo
★ Paddling the pink canoe
★ Diddling the skittle
★ Parting the Red Sea
★ Teasing out a vertical smile
More words for female masturbation
★ Having a night in with the girls
★ Airing the orchid
★ Auditioning the finger puppets
★ Fingerbating
★ Hitchhiking south
★ Jilling off
★ Pearl fishing
★ Rolling the dough
★ Taking a self-guided tuna boat tour
★ Tiptoeing through the two lips
★ Unbuttoning the fur coat
★ Buttering the whisker biscuit
★ Impeaching Bush
★ Roughing up the suspect
★ Menage a mois
★ Making soup
★ Juicing
Ed Uncovered’s freshly frigged names for masturbation
★ Circling the wagon
★ Tracing eights
★ Making a fish finger sandwich
★ Streaming the Goo Goo Dolls
★ Diddling the kids
★ Soaking the sponge
★ Undressing the wound
★ Hitting the self destruct button
★ Plunging the clunge
★ Entering the mosque
★ Making a flesh smoothie
★ Watching ET (< i.e. Phoning home. Ayy lmao)
★ Womansplaining “Where’s Stacy?” “Oh, she’s in the shower, womansplaining to herself.”
★ Triggering “That picture of Ryan Gosling triggered me.”
★ Dancing in the dark
★ Embracing feminism
★ Raiding the fridge
Flicking the bean
Curtain Twitching
My mom caught me at myself way way back and spent time to talk to me nonjudgementally about it. She did name the game as masturbating but mostly talked about “diddling”. She told me stuff that I admire her for saying and it made me comfortable with my solo sexuality and to ask questions then and later on. So diddling it has always been to me.