Sex. Three letters, 9,000 ways to do it, an infinite number of ways to describe it. If you’re going to slide into your bae’s DMs and start installing malware, it’s important you deploy the right vocabulary. That way, he/she/xi will understand that your proposal for Netflix and chill is a request to stir up skirt yoghurt, and not to watch Netflix and chill.

With the right sexual lexicon (sexicon?), it’s possible to proposition your partner with onlookers being none the wiser. Talk dirty across the dinner table without the kids catching on; WhatsApp your fuckbuddy on the train without having to shield your screen.

From the faces you pull to the words you scream, sex is fucking ridiculous. And now, thanks to 50 Great Names for Sex, so’s its name.

mao lmao

Awesome names for sex

★ Bumping uglies

★ Makin’ bacon

blow me meme★ Mattress dancing

★ Slapping bellies

★ Threading a needle

★ Sinking the sausage

★  IRL intercourse

★ Making the beast with two backs

★ Winding the clock

★ Dropping anchor

★ Cock snuggling

★ Marinating the loin

★ Doing Mexican pushups

★ Visiting Disneyland

★ Shenanigans

★ Going to church

★ Rocking the trailer

★ Horizontal jogging

★ Grease and oil change

The sensation of his bald-headed yogurt slinger smashing my cervix made me quake like a rat on acid. I awoke the next morning with my mound of love pudding still leaking. I thought it was over but his brie baton had other ideas.

50 Shades Generator

topkek

Gross names for sex

★ Riding the bologna pony

hamster banana★ Riding the skin bus to tuna town

★ Attack on the pink fortress

★ Playing hide the canoli

★ Plugging in to the meat socket

★ Blowing out some dick snot

★ Spelunking the bat cave

★ Stirring up skirt yoghurt

★ Making banana pudding

★ Playing rodeo (most suited to when you call another girl’s name and then hang on for dear life)

The unrelenting orgasms from his throbbing quim dagger slamming my sperm socket made me come so hard, I began sweating like Joseph Fritzel on MTV Cribs.The feeling of his man fat oozing down my throat got my shrimp sap flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit.

50 Shades Generator

kjlasd

 

Old fashioned names for sex

★ Playing couch quail

★ Putting the devil into hell

★ Playing at rumpscuttle and clapperdepouch

More ancient names for sex here.

Scottish names for sex

★ Piecing

★ Getting yer hole

★ Smashing the granny clean aff it

Spanish names for sex

★ Follar

★ Pijar

★ Guarrear

★ Fornicar

★ Mojar el churro

★ Echar un polvo

★ Hacer el amor

fugEd Uncovered’s names for sex

★ Making hummus

★ Installing Windows (slow sex)

★ Behind a proxy (safe sex)

★ Sandboxing (safe sex)

Internet names for sex

And there you have it: 50 great names for intercourse. Thirsty for moar? As one ledditor points out, “You can make anything sound like a sex act just by combining a random adjective with a random noun. Like, “Man, this chick I met last night was crazy hot, I ended up giving her a Fluffy Elephant”Double points if you add ‘reverse’ at the beginning. “So then he pulled The Reverse Brown Goblin and I had to call the police.”

wtf man

Your first experience with sex may have been catching your parents going at it when you were too young to understand what you were seeing…but it is more likely that it was at the ‘hands’ of said parents. It is important to note that this in no way ensures you are their child.

Encyclopedia Dramatica

prepare your anus

By Ed Uncovered

 

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