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50 Great Names for Vagina

50 Great Names for Vagina

Vaginas are awesome. Of that we can all agree. Vagina is a rubbish word for vagina. Of that we can also agree. Thankfully, there are over 9,000 alternative words out there – some awesome, some disgusting and some downright hilarious.

I’ve selflessly curated the best epithets, so you can thank your doctor for removing that Sharpie from your vajayjay – without having to refer to it as a tuna taco.

 

Yeah, we went there
Vagina meme

Because this is a semi-SFW blog (if you’ll excuse the fucking language and the obsession with tits & vag), I’ll refrain from illustrating the sort of pussies these terms elicit. You’ll just have to use your imagination, or if that fails, turn off safe search and Google gaping vagina. That should keep you entertained while you’re eating lunch.

This isn’t an exhaustive list by the way – I’ve missed out some of the duller names, like box and beaver. Although now that I’ve mentioned them, I guess they haven’t been omitted after all. Anyway, moving on before my tiny brain explodes…

For some reason, Hetty’s cupcakes sold exceptionally well at the church fete that year.

For some reason, Hetty’s cupcakes sold exceptionally well at the church fete that year.

Let’s talk about lady bits

There’s a time and a place for deploying these euphemisms – or most of them at least. Halting foreplay to ask if you can slip it in her wizard’s sleeve is gonna get you instantly blue-balled. That said, no one ever dunked it in a prostitute’s vajayjay – it’s cock pocket or stench trench all the way. Context is important when dealing with vaginas. And that’s what this erudite blog is all about – context and vocabulary.

OK, so it’s actually about vaginas. Happy now?

 

Nice words for vagina

Names for Vagina★ Honey pot

 

Nasty words for vagina

★ Everything else

 

Scottish words

Before anyone gets butthurt, I’ll concede that most of these words aren’t Scottish – but you’re more likely to hear them uttered roon these parts than anywhere else in the world.

★ Clungesatanic ram vagina

★ Clout

★ Chuff

★ Fanny

★ Gash

★ Beef curtains

★ Pish flaps

★ Muff

★ Vag

It should be noted that Scotland is possibly the only country where you’ll hear the term cunt used as a term of endearment rather than as a crude word for vagoo. Why? Because we’re a nation of good cunts of course.

For added pleasure, listen to Scotland’s Zambian Astronaut as you read on. There’s something soothing about this track that eases the sight of the most horrific vagina names ever conjured.

 

Spanish names for vagina

★ Pepa

★ Palomita

★ Vulva

★ Raja

★ Conho

★ Conejo

★ Potorro

My personal favourites

Ariel Little Mermaid vagina

★ Badly packed kebab

★ Meat wallet

★ Axe wound

 

Words for vagina in the bedroom

★ Cunt

★ Snatch

★ Pussy

Er…that’s about it. Call it anything else during sex and you’ll instantly kill the vibe. Makes it kind of awkward when a girl’s screaming ‘Talk dirty to me!’ but you’ve expended your three designated words in the first sentence.

Words that no one uses IRL

★ ClamBear how about no

★ French fry dip

★ Penis fly trap

★ Stench trench

★ Cave of wonders

★ Bearded oyster

★ Pink canoe

★ Pink fortress

★ Soggy box

★ Baby cannon

★ Hippo’s yawn

 

Words that no one uses IRL but should

★ Juicebox

★ Pink tacokind of want

★ Handwarmer

★ Cock socket

★ Mum’s glovebox

★ Tampon tunnel

★ Meat flap

★ Vagoo

Kid-friendly words for vagina

Before you raise several eyebrows and report me to the internet police, I should clarify that there’s a genuine (i.e. non-sexualised) reason for including this section. If you’ve got kids, how do you politely refer to their V-A-G-I-N-A without calling it a V-A-G-I-N-A?

Vagina is a stupid word at the best of times; having it shouted by a three-year-old can only add to its unutterable weirdness. So what can kids call it instead? The options are woeful, but they would appear to be as follows:

★  Front bottom

★  Flower

★  Kitty

★  Bajingo

★  Foo-foo

★  Hoo-hee

★  Hoo-hoo (etc)

Told you they were pretty bad – but still better than vagina, it must be said.

 

Words for a slack vagina

 

★  Wizard’s sleevespiderman pussy

★  Cum bucket

★  Chasm of doom

★  The abyss

★  The grandest canyon

 

Words for an outie vagina

★  Roastie

 

Girlie words for vagina

This section was written in conjunction with the women I know well enough to quiz about their private parts. And before you ask, no, my mum wasn’t one of them.

 

Though I did ask yours.

 

★  Hoo-hee

★  Mini

★  Downstairs

★  Girlie parts/bits

★  Nun / Nuun (from TOWIE apparently)

★  Vajayjay (Oprah uses it at least. I can’t speak on behalf of the rest of womankind.)

 

Nectarostoma

Above: lower nectarostoma, viewed under an electron microscope. But you assumed that already.

 

When it comes to naming their lady gardens, girls are disappointingly tame. I don’t know who invented fur burger, but I’ll bet it wasn’t a woman.

 

You still would.

You still would.

By Ed Uncovered

About The Author

EU

Ed Uncovered editor, word mangler and slinger of dank memes.

90 Comments

  1. cmack

    Gah!!! The girl! The crocodile! SCARY!!

    Reply
    • m. pohlman

      At least it’s obvious. Watch the movie Teeth if you want something scary!

    • Luke

      Point of no return

    • ben

      I think you missed a few, whisker biscuit, bearded clam, cum dumpster, cock pocket, hot pocket, love sock, pickle pathway, tuna tunnel, whispering eye, and that was like 5 minutes their are a lot more.

    • Ellen

      What about woowoo , beaver, kitty,, chi chi

  2. alan Holton

    sugar notch fancy gap

    Reply
    • nikki99wilson@yahoo.com

      LOL u go

  3. A de la reguerra

    1-Flange or flanj
    2- sheesh
    3- deep end
    4- sleeping korean
    5- old spice
    5- my little pony

    Reply
    • renee

      I have always called mine Yahoo, since i was little. then freaking yahoo.com came out. oh what fun my boyfriends had with that. lol

    • EU

      Yahoo is a great name for a vagina. Rubbish name for an internet company, but grade-A vag material.

    • Sally

      How about dick eater

    • jay

      it cant’ be a dick eater when it looks just like Road Kill . lol

    • Gigi

      And Jay that’s why you never get laid

    • Gigi

      Why can’t we find a word for our vajayjay that’s sexy to use in the bedroom… these are hysterical, but you don’t wanna bust out laughing and ruin the moment.

      Plus is anybody says tuna or any other fish term about mine….. You’re outta there…

  4. Pstchaseki

    Yup I still would as long as she doesn’t close her legs

    Reply
    • Sally

      Messed up thing

    • Daniel Trevino

      what about 2 lipp?

  5. Ura

    Well written post, and informative. My personal favorite is damn close to yours: “hatchet wound”. It has a more lilting cadence than “axe wound” can elicit. One of my Indian (dot not feather) friends once remarked that “gates of heaven” was his favorite.

    Reply
  6. Nanzyi

    crocodile pussy! whao

    Reply
    • Sally

      Vagagay

    • Sally

      I don’t know about anyone else but I think people should use every word instead of pussy still use that one though cause every sex video I watch they use pussy so I think use every single damn word in the world and on these words everyone else is coming up with on this list like vagagay or dick eater or pink taco if anyone dissagreEs please reply to this comment 🙂

  7. Kelsey "Anal Shank" Arnott

    we found this rather amusing my name is Kelsey Arnott and my axe wound is genuinely wounded!!!

    Reply
  8. Gemma Hopper

    My name is Gemma Hopper and I find this list to be rather useful, I am sick of being a victim of abuse due to my massive gaping wizzard’s sleeve, but if any of you lovely asian gentlemen would like to stick your purple headed yoghurt slinger up my bearded clam? any takers?????? 07811674749

    Reply
    • Phuk Yew

      hey Gemma, i would love to sling my sea cucumber up your slimey chillie muscle.Get to know each other and shave your beard, then I could slide my throbin robin up your pink love tunnel

  9. ug lee

    I have a few questions??????

    Reply
    • Sally

      What ate they

  10. Sally

    Hope you like my paragraph :)))))

    Reply
    • Sally

      Just being nice happy fourth of July ( early ). 🙂

  11. therese caron

    LMFAO.Tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks.but as a woman, honey pot, flower are my faves.and pussy is just fine! MEOW OR ROAR! Choose your pussy!

    Reply
  12. Kraken

    The kraken. When I take notice of a good looking guy my friend likes to say “unleash the kraken!”

    Reply
  13. Jenn

    OMG!!! I’m laughing so hard with tears and it hurts. This made my day! Best site that has ever made me laugh this hard. My hubby and I would call the vag. “Hoo haw”

    Reply
    • Tami

      No, no the hoo haw in the butt hole.

  14. Josf

    Ghg

    Reply
  15. brimmer

    im from Australia cunt and if you cunts think your the only ones who use cunt your fucking wrong cunt btw im Scottish.

    Reply
    • The GBear

      You’re such a cunt. I’m not Scottish and I come from down under Ha!

  16. The GBear

    Slip n Slime

    Reply
  17. Louisa Leontides

    Vagina is a fine word. But there are many more beautiful ones for a beautiful part of the body. It’s difficult to read that your favourite includes ‘axe wound’. But it simply shows that you are a fine example of our patriarchal oppressive society. As a gesture to give you more food for thought, here’s some great names. http://thevaginatimes.com/terms-of-endearment-loving-ourselves-loving-our-vaginas/

    Reply
    • 10011101

      Be quiet and get back in the kitchen.

  18. Pis

    you waisted my time

    Reply
  19. Sarah

    I taught my daughter hootenanny. Sadly it wasn’t until later I realized that was another name for party.

    Reply
  20. michelle

    The Man Cave!

    (can you guess where the door bell is??)

    Reply
    • Papichulo

      Hi i want to get in ur cave

  21. Hope

    Fuck my ass bitches. Put your penis up my ass.

    Reply
  22. Arg Pdy

    I have a name in my mind for vagina which I hope would be liked and praised by all as well which is “Vertical Smile”

    Reply
  23. Hortney love aka Courtney

    I’ve called it a “peanut” my entire life as well as my entire family. without the shell of course. If Caucasian then it’s the same color and if it’s like mine is at the age of 27 and not all beat up like some it’s nicely closed without anything sticking out like meat flaps and has a nice slit! Oh and of course if it’s shaved bald the way I think all females should have it! Perfect little peanut. Only difference is peanuts aren’t a pretty pink color inside.

    Reply
  24. Lisa Pisa, not pisses

    I like Arg Pdy’s “vertical smile.” I’m gonna use that one next time.

    Reply
  25. Virginia Poons

    So was I was strolling down the mossy banks, when I saw a beaver get snatched by a giant hairy clam, then a pair of roast beef curtains slit the bald man in a boat, who had been eating blue waffles, into a poorly wrapped kebab. Then appeared the hoody lady, who had just had her ham wallet cut up by a ninja foot that was flying on a pair of beef flaps from the promised land of the quivering mound of love pudding. As I wandered further into the bat cave, I wore a vertical smile across my whisker biscuit. I then entered the wizards sleeve, where I encountered a rogue vajizzle wielding a twitchet powered by the sweet juices of pink tuna tacos. The great clown hole then took from its own cock pocket a fresh slice of lunch meat inscribed, “twat is happening? I cunt understand what kind of gumbo pot would allow it’s nappy doughnut to drop it’s muff in a love puddle”. This concludes the tale of Virginia poons and the search for the pink velvet sausage wallet…

    Reply
  26. tommy
  27. TUNAFISH

    HAHAHAHAHA! CUNTSUCKERSSSSS

    Reply
  28. JR

    You forgot Whisker Biscuit !!!

    Reply
  29. pussy icon(every girl loves to show their pussies to me)

    my gf is an indian and when i was putting my tongue inside my gf’s ‘wonder cave’ i asked her “what do you call vagina in your country language ?” then she said “(ohh laa-laa put your taste buds in my ‘YONI’!!! yes your right vagi is also known as ‘yoni’ in india!!!

    Reply
  30. alan holmes

    my gf has got the lushest wet slit in the world and we think MONEYBOX is the best name for a fanny! as im always leaving a deposit in it!! and withdraws. lol (-;

    Reply
  31. david a deal

    poon, trim, camel toe

    Reply
  32. Barf

    I got I got .I slow but I got Theee cunt name Chrissy Poissin

    Reply
  33. Robert hopkins

    I prefer hatchet wound over axe wound. But that’s just me.

    Reply
  34. It's none of my business

    Everyone is entitled to what they want to say. I find it hilarious that most thought it was childish to have something to say, or that the next had to much of a life to say anything at all but at the same time made it a point to let the world know what they thought and had enough time to read everyone’s publicity. I found it entertaining to google search “funny names for vagina” and I have now been on this page for the past hour. Life is great. Thanks for the entertainment America!

    Reply
  35. M.t.e.

    OMG, you are awesome. that was everything i was thinking and more besides. 🙂 If i was a man, Chrissy, i would have totally fallen in love with your hilarious commentary. Since I’m a straight woman, i’ll just idolize you and say “Carry on, girl!”

    P.S. i was on this website to find a better word for my book than ‘vagina’ and ‘cunt’. im pretty sure ill stick to ‘penis fly trap’ haha…

    Reply
  36. skylar

    I love to suck on dick because I have a vag you know ♥

    Reply
  37. skylar

    Sorry I had to say that shit

    Reply
  38. Aline

    Will there be a post for men?

    Reply
  39. joseph

    Corn dog canister, salmon suitcase, Cock holster, poon purse,Cooch canyon, just to name a few…

    Reply
  40. djsideburns69

    Minge is a favourite term of mine for vagina – gotta say i had a good old laugh at some of the posts on here , – some folks are genuinely way too sensitive about things 🙂

    Reply
  41. The Hairy Cooter

    I’ve heard “cooter” used!

    Reply
  42. voodoochili

    OMFG, do NOT teach your kids to say “kitty”!!! That’s totally an adult sex word. She will get sent to the school counselor for sure. That’s just wrong.

    Reply
  43. Kingsmithyyy

    Hw bout toto

    Reply

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