Illegal drugs are illegal. Writing about how to obtain them isn’t. Hooray for free speech. And hooray for drugs, for where would we be without them? Sober as hell and awake to the societal construct that sees political elites facilitate the dissolution of public services to fuel the greed of tax-evading corporate lobbying behemoths.
Drugs it is then.
We’re not saying you should actually take drugs. We’re just saying that hypothetically speaking, if you were looking to buy drugs in Edinburgh, your options would be as follows:
From your dealer
Phone him up. Place your order. Arrange to meet in half an hour. He shows up three hours later. You know the drill.
Advantages: It’s a fairly safe way of scoring fairly good gear.
Disadvantages: Unless you’re hooked up with Scottish Drug Dealer of the Year, your options will be limited; reg weed and average coke. Average M-dizzle too if you’re lucky.
In da club
If you’re taking drugs with the intention of dancing to otherwise undanceable music, you could try picking up in the club. Track down the sweatiest raver and ask him to hook a brother up. If there were any logic in this world, toilet concierges would sell swedgers instead of breath mints.
Advantages: Why worry about sneaking drugs into the club when you can rely on some other idiot to do it for you?
Disadvantages: There could be anything in those pills you’re buying from a stranger. Then again, there could be anything in the pills you’re buying from your best mate. Only one way to find out. YOLO.
From the deep web
Pick up the dankest bud, purest coke, cleanest K and dopest dope – without having to leave the couch. Just log on to the deep web and hit up Silk Road 2.0. The original Silk Road was shut down by the feds this summer, but within 60 days its successor had sprung up. Follow the instructions here to buy bitcoins and install the Tor browser. Then head here and start shopping. (See here for moar deeb web drug stores.) Isn’t technology beautiful?
Advantages: Safe, discreet and it offers a cornucopia of incredible drugs.
Disadvantages: Though it seems legit (or as legit as an illegal drugs marketplace gets) there’s always an outside chance that the whole thing could be an FBI honeypot. Use PGP encryption and you should be safe.
From local strangers
If the prospect of getting ball deep in the deep web seems daunting, there is an easier option: go to Topix instead. Its riotous Edinburgh forum is an online outback where anything goes. Users exchange tips on dogging spots, plead for used panties, offer to suck each other off and request drugs. ‘Looking for decent coke in Edinburgh tonight’ reads a typical thread. Topix is a weird and wonderful place where sluts, freaks and reassuringly normal people trade goods.
Advantages: How else are you gonna find weed in Bathgate at this time of night?
Disadvantages: You could be messaging anyone. Don’t be surprised if you get robbed, busted or distracted by a thread about dogging at Silverknowes.
Don’t buy drugs
Not because they’re bad, but because there’s no need to. There’s a simple way to ensure you never have to pay for drugs ever again: make your own. In most cases this means growing weed, but there’s nothing to stop you from manufacturing MDMA; all the instructions are out there on the web. Order some lab gear, acquire the chemicals and rent a mobile home so you can cook in a remote spot. Wait…why does this all sound familiar?
Advantages: Free drugs. Let me repeat that again: Free drugs. Smoke or sniff some, sell the rest, profit massively, rinse repeat.
Disadvantages: Getting hold of the coca leaf can be tough. You’re still going to have to buy some of your drugs from someone.
Five ways to get hold of drugs in Edinburgh. It’s too easy.
Casting the first stone
For those who think that taking drugs – or writing about taking drugs – is irresponsible, your disapprobation is noted. Bear this in mind, however, as you’re rising on a Sunday morning with clear sinuses:
You see that charming Italian eatery you’re so fond of? It was founded with drug money. Do you know how that nice Polish handyman keeps his prices so low? That’s right: because his real wage is drug money. Your window cleaner, your mechanic, your financial advisor, your chef: they paid their way through college by dealing and they founded their businesses with drug money.
Here’s one fact you won’t read in The Daily Mail: drugs do more good than harm. Deal with them.
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