Read Part II of The McWorkout here
This is me. Mr Ed Uncovered. A regular 30-something guy. A writer, stoner and layabout.
My diet is cheap, my life is chaotic and as for my gym card, well, it’s about somewhere.
All that’s about to change though, because over the next month I’m going to get into the best shape of my life.
Pounding tarmac. Pumping iron. Performing crunches. I’m going to train like I’ve never trained before.
There’s just one catch…
During my quest, I’m going to be fuelled by one thing and one thing only: McDonald’s fast food.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The McWorkout.
The first question that springs to mind is why?
Why would anyone go to all that effort only to lose their gains under an avalanche of junk food?
There are two reasons why I’m doing this.
Firstly, I aim to show that anyone – even with limited access to good food or a proper kitchen – can get into shape. “I can’t afford Waitrose steaks”. So don’t buy them.
It’s not poverty that makes you fat. It’s not insidious fast food adverts. It’s you.
Unhappy with your body? Then do something about it.
From next Monday, I’m going to be eating McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 90 McDonald’s meals in 30 days, containing a total of around 60,000 calories, including 3 kilos of fat.
I’m going to eat utter filth while training like a pro.
If I can get into shape while living off McDonald’s, it will prove that anyone can get fit. However, if the reverse happens, and I start packing on fat instead of muscle, well, I lose.
I’ll lose my challenge, I’ll lose my skinny body and I’ll lose my pride, swallowed bitterly and chased down with a McFlurry.
At present, I’m built like this:
While taps aff I look like this:
Not fat then. But not stacked either; pecs and deltoids are non-existent, while my triceps needn’t have bothered showing up for the shoot. Bro do you even lift? I’ve the beginnings of a six pack, but it’s nothing I can claim credit for. Fat women get big boobs by default; skinny guys get visible abs.
Should I survive a month on The McWorkout, at the end of May it will become The Workout: same concept, but this time I’ll be supplementing my fitness regime with healthy eating.
Can I get ripped in eight weeks, or will the second month be spent atoning for the first month’s damage? How will all that fast food affect my mood, body fat and testosterone level? And can I complete the challenge without my two daughters finding out?
I’ll be dodging awkward questions from my kids, disappointing my mum and recording a whole bunch of variables as The McWorkout progresses. This may be a dumb challenge dreamed up by a stoned idiot, but it’s going to be documented properly, because without science we are nothing.
Train dirty, eat filthy
As I sweat and curse, you’re going to laugh and learn. You can also get involved by meddling in my dietary plans, as I’ll explain next week. My health and your amusement shall be determined by The Rules of The McWorkout, which will be revealed on Thursday. Here’s what else you’ve got to look forward to:
Every Thursday, starting this week, I’ll be publishing My McWorkout Diary in Ed Uncovered, along with anecdotes, an emotional backstory and gratuitous shots of me eating filth in the name of gonzo journalism.
Then, every Monday, I’ll publish my progress – or regress. On Mondays we’ll also take a look at the science behind fast food and healthy eating with the aid of Nutrition Consultant Dr Chris Fenn.
So just to recap:
Oh, and before you ask, yes I have seen Super Size Me. Morgan Spurlock ate McDonald’s and got fat. I intend to do the opposite: eat McDonald’s while getting into the best shape of my life.
And that’s all you need to know for now.
Actually, wait. I said there were two reasons for attempting The McWorkout, didn’t I? What could the second one be?
I can’t answer that question just yet, but I’ll explain all once the challenge is underway. For now, all that matters is This Thing is Happening: The McWorkout begins next Monday, 28th April.
I’ll see you back here this Thursday however when I’ll be outlining:
The rules of the game
The technology I’ll be using
Part one of My McWorkout Diary
How you can get involved
Can’t wait till then? Follow my final week of freedom on Twitter, FB and Snapchat (whisperednothin). Obligatory hashtag? #McWorkout
UPDATE: Read Part II of The McWorkout here
McWorkout images: TDSLR Photography
McWorkout graphics: Kaiga Design