I like words. I read them, devour them, assimilate and disseminate them. My favourite word in the world? Probably lethologica – when I can remember it. That or bawbag.
After words, my favourite thing to learn is facts. Or better still, facts about words. Here are a few:
- There are one to two million words in the English language (depending on how many slang terms you count)
- The average Sun reader knows 35,000 words
- A well-educated individual may know up to 75,000
- A new word is created approximately every 98 minutes
Today we’re going to create ten new words in less than two minutes. And what’s more, you’re going to use them in
everyday errday speech because that’s the only way these terms are going to make it into Urban Dictionary, followed by the proper dictionary.
Filler: A phone call that is made to a mate or partner simply for the purpose of killing time while travelling on a boring journey.
Girlfriend: ‘Aw, that’s really sweet of you to phone and ask how my day was going.’
Boyfriend: ‘That’s cool, it was only a filler anyway. Right gotta go, that’s my stop.’
Gentlemen, it’s time to broaden your vocabulary. Are you ready to change the English language?
10 Splendid Neologisms
★ A pedestrian who’s too immersed in their smartphone to watch where they’re going:
(From TZ = text zombie)
★ A smartphone that takes ages to charge and then dies after ten minutes’ browsing:
★ To scrutinise a pub menu, order and eagerly await the arrival of your food…only to realise, at first bite, that you’ve made the wrong choice:
Example: “This club sandwich is gash. Aw man, I got dished!”
★ The practice of making your smartphone part of the story you’re writing. Just as our smartphones frame our lives, a writer can embrace its pervasiveness and acknowledge its role in the creative process. (See One Night In Leith for an example):
(a bastardisation of gonzo)
★ A partner who constantly makes excuses not to have sex, then proffers themselves to you at an inconvenient time such as when you’re dashing out the door:
★ The person you’d most like to see naked i.e a girl whose noodz you covet more than anyone else’s:
(from Pontius Pilate, who washed his hands of Jesus’ crucifixion)
★ A man who chooses to pee in the cubicle rather than use the urinal with all the other guys:
(link bait; didn’t read)
Got any other suggestions for words that need popularised? Stick ‘em in the comments below. All it takes is common consensus for these terms to make it into the dictionary. Together we can change the world, one word at a time.