15 Triggeringly Offensive Halloween Costumes for 2016
It’s not even done and yet 2016 has broken all records. The most dead celebs, the most happenings, the most outrage and the most Harambe. Forced memes, lulz and hacking, triggered trannies and more genders than there are members of the human race to claim them.
But if you think 2016 was a wild ride, just wait till 2017 drops. Next year will make the current year seem like 2015, which made 2014 seem like the meth-smoking big brother of 2013. In other words, we’re fucked. All that’s left is to cling on tight and enjoy the ride as we plummet into the abyss.
This might be the last Halloween we ever celebrate, so let’s go out with a bang. Appropriate cultures, trigger snowflakes, fat shame, thin shame and generally run amok. This is your purge, the one night of the year when you can crank the offense-o-meter up to Maximum Outrage and leave your fellow revellers nursing a crippling case of hurt feels.
If you find these costumes problematic, you’re part of the problem.
Gene Wilder, Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Muhammad Ali, Paul Daniels, Lemmy from Motorhead…a whole bunch of famous dudes have been IRL permabanned since last Halloween, and that’s not even counting the B-listers.
Of course there’s nothing offensive about dressing as a dead celeb – which is why you’ll need to get creative. Don’t go as Ziggy Stardust. Go as Stardust Bowie with cocaine smeared across your face and spunk smeared across your pants. Go as Thriller Michael Jackson…while insisting to everyone that you’re dressed as Prince. Now that’s offensive.
While celebrities were dying of natural causes this year, Muslims were dying of the usual causes: belt bombs and their own bullets. Dressing as your favourite Muslim terrorist doesn’t mean you’re revelling in their crimes – merely their idiocy. Take your pick from San Bernardino power couple Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik or go with Pulse nightclub killer Omar “spray the gay away” Mateen.
“Use your costume to make a cogent point about Western imperialism and overreaching foreign policy in the Middle East.”
There’s also the option of dressing as Mohamed Bouhlel, driver of the Nice truck of peace – or even as the truck itself. Alternatively, you may prefer to go as an axe-wielding Afghan train attacker. Dressing as a dead Muslim needn’t be insensitive: use your costume to make a cogent point about Western imperialism and overreaching foreign policy in the Middle East.
2016 was the year we learned that it’s easier to kill a 300lb gorilla than it is to kill a shitty meme. Harambe may be gone, but he lives on in our hearts, memes and Halloweens. Dress as a gorilla this Halloween and people may hate you but they won’t dare approach you cos you’ll be dicks out for Harambe.
Black Lives Matter
In 2016, US cops continued doing what they do best – shooting suspects. A disproportionate number of those were black because (spoiler alert) despite making up only 13% of the population, blacks commit over half the homicides. Still, let’s not allow facts to spoil a perfectly valid protest movement that’s inspired a perfectly valid Halloween outfit.
What’s more offensive – dressing as a BLM protestor by going full blackface or dressing as one of the slain Dallas/Baton Rouge cops? That’s for you to decide. Just don’t get salty when the impugned group open a clip on your punk ass.
If you’re not brave or foolish enough to dress as Black Lives Matter, there is a meta alternative that neatly ticks off all of this year’s predominant themes. All it takes is three mates and a placard apiece. Spend Halloween in a conga line with your slogans arranged as follows:
#1: Black Lives Matter
#2: All Lives Matter
#3 (dressed as the Nice truck of peace): No Lives Matter
#4: DELETE THIS
William Henry Cosby is the new OJ: an innocent black man railroaded by corrupt cops. Show your support for America’s favourite uncle by dressing as Bill Cosby this Halloween. They might not remember your outfit now, but in 40 years’ time they won’t stop talking about it.
There is a distinct possibility that the next president of the United States will be a flaking corpse whose final coffin nail was sealed by a cartoon frog before her puppet masters prised open the lid and reanimated her. Zombie Hillary will make a shitty prez but an excellent Halloween costume. Just keep your wits about you while mocking Helldawg on Fright Night – people who cross her have an unfortunate habit of ending up dead.
God Emperor Trump
The question is not “Should I dress as Donald Trump on Halloween?” but rather “Which version of Trump will cause the most offence?” Pepe Trump? God Emperor Trump? Build The Wall 6 Feet Higher Trump? Or you could just wrap yourself in one of his tweets and walk around calling your haters SAD CROOKED CLOWNS.
White Supremacist Pepe
According to Hillary “missed a step” Clinton, Pepe, the internet’s most innocuous meme, is in fact a white supremacist symbol. The only way to counter these baseless accusations is by dressing as your favourite fascist frog this Halloween.
Pepe has been gracing Ed Uncovered’s annual Halloween blogs for years, because we were alt-right before it was cool.
Politicians are a ham-fisted bunch (and that’s just David Cameron) and Britain’s elected elite plumbed new depths of fuckery this year. Celebrate the UK’s Brexit by dressing as a torn map of Europe or as Union Jack-waving Boris Johnson in a harness. Dress as Theresa May, with one half Prime Minister and the other half splitting open to reveal her true reptilian form. Alternatively you could just print out a collage of laughing Nigels and plaster them all over your body. Can’t barrage the Farage.
Child abuse is never funny unless you’re dressed as Brad Pitt and dragging an umbilical chain of battered brown dolls behind you.
Snowden first appeared in our 2013 Halloween blog, but he’s bigger than ever this year thanks to Oliver Stone’s biopic. Dressing as Edward Snowden probably won’t further his case for a presidential pardon, but it will make liberal arts students swoon, unlike every other costume on this list.
Carl the Cuck & AIDS Skrillex
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! Don’t even dream of wearing this outfit if you’re A FUCKING WHITE MALE!!!
Milo Yiannopoulos & Trigglypuff
If you’re a gay man, odds are you’ve got a fat female friend, in which case your Halloween is sorted. You dress as the internet’s most fabulous super-villain, while your companion has the fortune of dressing as the ham planet-sized activist that is Trigglypuff.
Dressing as a Pokemon Go character for Halloween is neither original or offensive. It’s listed here solely as a lure to attract Pokefags. They arrive seeking Pokemon Go costumes, only to pull a 360 and nope the fuck out of here upon discovering the cesspool they’ve entered. You’re welcome guys.
By Ed Uncovered