Us Scots love getting drunk. We’ve been getting fou and unco happy for centuries now, and let’s face it, we’re pretty good at it. We drink to remember and we drink to forget. Those fleeting moments in between? That’s your life.


We’re not the only ones who’ve mastered the art of raising glass to mouth and back again in rapid fashion however. The Nigels are just as accomplished at this ancient discipline, as are those crazy Irish bastards. Then again, so are the Germans and the Poles – and let’s not even get started on the goddamn Russians. When you start to think about it, the whole world is pretty good at getting drunk.

You drink it, we’ve named it

randy south park drunkWe may imbibe the same poison but we booze 1,000 different flavours. We may attain the same state but we describe it with 1,000 different words. When it comes to naming based things – penises; vaginas – we’re a creative bunch.

Michael Mcintyre nails it in his sketch on drunkenness (quoted rather than embedded so you don’t have to listen his smug toadying voice):


You can be trousered or trollied or wellied or rat-arsed. You can actually take any word in the English language and substitute it to mean drunk, as a posh person, and it still sounds acceptable. ‘Did you have a drink last night?’ ‘Are you joking? I got utterly gazebo’d!’

50 great names for drunk

★ Badgered

★ Bladdered

★ Buckled

★ Blottosimpsons bender drunk

★ Blootered

★ Three sheets to the wind

★ Four to the floor

★ Annihilated

★ Destroyed

★ Hammered

★ Lashed

★ Legless

★ Moulin Rouged

★ Mortaled

★ Gettin mad wi’ it

★ Guttered

★ Rubbered

★ Plastered

★ Paralytic

★ Pickled


Names for slightly drunk

★ Jolly

★ Merry

★ Lubricated

Names for medium drunk

Buckfast rejuvenates

Buckfast rejuvenates

★ Boozy

★ Half cut

Names for fucking drunk

★ Completely cut

★ Well lubricated

★ Off his face

★ Out her tree

Internet names for drunk


Literary names for drunk

★ Bukowski’d

Words used by my homeboiz

★ Smashed (pronounced Smesht! with an emphasis on the e)

Scottish names for drunk

★ Cunted

what the fuck am i reading★ Jaked

★ Bevvied

★ Pished

★ Reekin

★ Mingin

★ Stoatin

★ Bleezin


Moar names for drunkenness

★ Ratted

★ Sozzled

★ Shitfaced

★ Slaughtered

★ Sloshed

★ Steaming

★ Steamboats

★ Trashed

★ Winehoused

Words only a dictionary would useconspiracy keanu drunk

★ Inebriated

★ Inebrious

★ Intemperate

★ Intoxicated


Drunk names I just invented

★ Rooted

★ Defaced

★ Bitmapped

★ Gone full XP

★  Deleted system 32

★ Alphabet soup (so drunk you try and call every name in your phonebook)

★ A-listed (so drunk you keep repeat ringing your dealer)

★ Locked out (so drunk you can’t unlock your phone)

★ Emoji’d (so drunk you can only text emoticons)

★ Fully cocked (so drunk you group Snapchat your cock)

★ Duckfaced (girls so drunk they keep wapping out their iPhones to take selfies)

★ Auschwitz’d (so drunk you pass out with the oven on)

step up nigga

If you’re craving more names for drunk like you’re craving a drink right now then go get em: this blog has 365 of the fuckers. Still not enough? Someone has gone one further and written a book containing 3,000 names for drunk. That’s nothing though: this dude has gone full liquor and created an entire timeline of names for drunk which run all the way back to the 16th century.

I like names for drunk, just not that much. If I missed any essential names, chuck em in the comments below. Better still, invent your own phrases and submit them. If there’s one thing the world needs, it’s more names for being drunk.



worst drink fail

By Ed Uncovered


50 Great Names for Drunk

Choosing to get drunk is easy. Choosing the right name for drunk is hard. Here, have some help.

50 Great Names for Masturbation

Why jack it in San Diego when you can drain the vein and siphon the python? Favourite names for the world’s favourite pastime.

50 Great Names for Police

Beautiful names for police. Because why call cops cops when you can call them buzzkill and boydem?

50 Great Names for Female Masturbation

Are you sitting comfortably, ladies? Then unclasp your ham wallet and let’s begin. It’s time to butter the whisker biscuit.

50 Great Names for Cum

“Sorry mother but there appears to be pecker snot on my smalls.” 50 great names for cum? One of them’s bound to stick.

50 Great Names for Sex

Why make love for the sole purpose of procreation when you can blow out some dick snot for the sole purpose of flushing the cache? 50 disgusting names for sex.

50 Great Names for Death

From murder to suicide and scaphism to stroke, these are the world’s greatest names for death. Don’t kill anyone until you’ve read this.

50 Great Names for Penis

50 great names for penis, because sometimes ‘womb raider’ just won’t do. As the saying goes, when life hands you a big bag of dicks, make a blog with them.

50 Great Names for Taking a Dump

Awesome names for pooping. Because why take a crap when you can honk out a dirt snake?

50 Great Names for Vagina

Yeah, we went there. 50 vaginal names for all occasions. You’ll never call it a vajayjay again. (SFW)

50 Great Names for Fat

Don’t shame fat people – shame butter slugs, cheese hogs and gravy dumpsters. 50 calorific names for fat, because lulz.

50 Great Names for Your Period

Colourful names for the most colourful time in a woman’s life. Because why have a period when you can birth a blood diamond and have a red wedding?