“Fingerbating”
Men fap. Men wank. Men jack it in San Diego. Men spank, choke and stroke it before cumming with the force of 1,000 suns. Men have all the fun, huh?
Not so. In Ed Uncovered’s 50 Great Names series, men may have come first, but women are the ones who get to come harder, longer and more often. Are you sitting comfortably, ladies? Then unclasp your ham wallet and let’s begin. It’s time to butter the whisker biscuit.
Names for female masturbation
★ Tripping the switch
★ Saucing the taco
★ Gilding the lily
★ Taming the shrew
★ Beating around the bush
★ Clubbing the clam
★ Finger painting
★ Muffin buffin’
★ Polishing the pearl
★ Visiting the finger vault
★ Getting lost in the deep end
★ Singing in the shower
★ Opening the ham wallet
★ Double clicking the mouse
★ Finding Nemo
★ Paddling the pink canoe
★ Diddling the skittle
★ Parting the Red Sea
★ Teasing out a vertical smile
More words for female masturbation
★ Having a night in with the girls
★ Airing the orchid
★ Auditioning the finger puppets
★ Fingerbating
★ Hitchhiking south
★ Jilling off
★ Pearl fishing
★ Rolling the dough
★ Taking a self-guided tuna boat tour
★ Tiptoeing through the two lips
★ Unbuttoning the fur coat
★ Buttering the whisker biscuit
★ Impeaching Bush
★ Roughing up the suspect
★ Menage a mois
★ Making soup
★ Juicing
Ed Uncovered’s freshly frigged names for masturbation
★ Circling the wagon
★ Tracing eights
★ Making a fish finger sandwich
★ Streaming the Goo Goo Dolls
★ Diddling the kids
★ Soaking the sponge
★ Hitting the self destruct button
★ Plunging the clunge
★ Entering the mosque
★ Making a flesh smoothie
★ Watching ET (< i.e. Phoning home. Ayy lmao)
★ Womansplaining “Where’s Stacy?” “Oh, she’s in the shower, womansplaining to herself.”
★ Triggering “That picture of Ryan Gosling triggered me.”
★ Dancing in the dark
★ Embracing feminism
★ Raiding the fridge
By Ed Uncovered
Flicking the bean
Redecorating, no condom required, baby making without the baby, no chromosomes, taking the dog for a walk, hanging up the curtains, and so many more that I can’t think of right now.
Curtain Twitching
My mom caught me at myself way way back and spent time to talk to me nonjudgementally about it. She did name the game as masturbating but mostly talked about “diddling”. She told me stuff that I admire her for saying and it made me comfortable with my solo sexuality and to ask questions then and later on. So diddling it has always been to me.
pics?
Doing the laundry by hand
Hahaha, diddling, yes I like that particular name
creeping the beau-peep
entering greace
spamming my ham
for anal-crapping the lights fantastic
soaking the spunge
feeding Nancy Drawl
taking an eternal leak-oh yea, the great kind
draining an ocean
Lesbianism-lock, step, and I’m gone.
Lesbian-‘tributing the great lakes
Big Dick small vagina-revamping her oraface
Anal Sex-Sting like a bitch, leave you in my parking lot like that little bitch with a box-o-nettle tea fo’ reminda’s..fo’ keeps..lol..n.j.k.
Queer Guys-to the moon and back to her wallet-I Love You NaNa-umm Oops, I meant NASA.
Huge Dicks-Redecorating Her Room-And if you’re extremely hot and flatteringly nice, reticulating her, what do you think folks-well that would be her womb.
Misalignments-umm man he’s sure a queeper.
What she said yesterday, suddenly-I found waldo right next to my Waldorf salad where I keep him locked in my basement by the box -fridge because in reality he is 6’5 and hot with a twelver thank-you sverly-smuch I love him munch, still makes me very prowl..lol.
Rotating vibrating dildo-there goes earnest p. whirl.
And when I see you-there goes a svempty in my parking lot.
Sh-boop-there-otter-is.
Just straight what’s up-“there’s sonic the hedgehog!”-WoW-my best friend and playmate. Are you a playboy modulator..wait wait, I mean model?! Damn, can we just fuck?!
And duely what I meant to say was-Entering Grace.
Subterfuge-The Art of “right here right now” watching my eyes grow bigger on you..
Did I say begged? Because I thoroughly meant begger!
At the porn-store: dildo bag-one..and in some cases a license plate..ha-hahaha..lol.
So how’s the trucks v. the snakes game going today?..lol.
How are the sparks doing?
And that great old dang old team the Cox Soccer’s?
How!
And finally, svently-swoosh there it is.
Stranded Clothes
Stranded Clothsed
Harry Potter and the free my chambers’
Narnia-“All over my hands all over my body..” Ohhhhhhh-Yeaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mmmmm, Ohhhh Yeaahhh, Kool•Aid Yeah says The Kool•Aid man..Yummaliferous..ohhmmm yeahhh-proliferate my body..lol.
Oh No!, whence I have seen the mess and muss I have made of you..Be a Proud day in Paradise Peep’s..Ummm Hmmm..
Oral Sex-Speaker of the House with Senate Activation..lol.
On the Throne-a little Heidegger action..
Self-Flattery.
Self-Help-Guru.
Helping myself to my Goro..lol..it’s mince, all mince..
Bating a boy jealously with murder-she-rote..oh no no no, it’s not rote..lol.
In the bathroom at the department store palace-punishing my wallet at the mall..
Running through the fountain at the mall trying to find a girl leading to getting kicked out for half a year-“move over butter’s,, Or,, (tiptoeing through to twolips” followed up with a good dose of “parting is such sweet sorrow”..lol..with or without action..lol..
Shit! Without an Action Figure-We’ll just take your money..when I psyched you.
Holy Shit! With or Without A Class Action Lawsuit while vertically challenged and tip-downing a food-court table I jumped on..or whatever you call that stush..
When she fell by the top of the escalator by the food-court there..right there..”The Vapors”.
Now I’m gonna ask you, am I an honest injun..hell yes! Naw, Naw I admit we were all completely trashed on St. (Therstypaté’s) day..for her complimentary “did”-play of affectionate “matters” at hand..lol.
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner at Bob Evan’s is what she call’s it these days..that’s when I blew the whistle..and dim sum..and dim sim..
Orangeitis or whatever color you like us..
Enter’s the Enclave-mid dim-light’s readjusted low-candles and rose pedals-some damn nag-chompa-and you say, “may I sample your pudding and perhaps gave a cookie..
Then you put the cookie that you bought at the corner store in yo’ dirty, greasy, shiffless mouff’ and say, “Ummm, Cookie Monster Love’s Cookies!”-In your graviest throat..and then you (discreetly) go to town..(Loudly) (Proudly) (With the Lights turned full capacity up)..tickle-grace-and bobble her chin a lil..and fun-tastic capabilities begin..
And two minutes later when she starts to complain that she believes that you two have conceived a two-minute baby, do not complain that your two asses are now in the “Haul-of Fame”..along with temperamental and shrewd little Jhonny..lol..Ho Ho Ho..Merry Christmas..and to all a good spread..mmm hmm.
There goes Grace Slick
And when Johnny..yes, that’s how you spell Johnny, grows up to be perfect in every way and is approx. 6’5 and a lasting savor in bed and down below, then your proud..oh, but watch your ass, he’s a clepto..lol..(hole thief reference..{playful}).. ;√)
There goes Turkey Neck..Turkey Lurky Jerky Neck..You got any jet-ski’s, we’re gonna have to dump those then..lol.
How to Finger Yourself: 15 Moves to Bring Yourself to Ecstasy: gestyy.com/wCC7DL