Guest blog by Craig Scott
I‘ve always hated pop music. As a Metallica-loving punk kid in the early ’90s I hated pop music; as a 30-something today I still love punk – and hate the shit out of pop.
But why waste energy hating? As you get older and start to mellow, all that hate’s supposed to dissipate. You become more tolerant to ideas you would never have previously entertained, and you start to appreciate different types of music: folk; electronic…pop?
Over the years, my music tastes have evolved (I can’t bring myself to write ‘matured’); I still love punk, but now I listen to a much wider range of music. On occasions, I’ve even found myself reassessing whether I still hate pop music – is it really that bad?
I’ve given the matter some thought and the answer is yes. I still hate that bitch with a passion. Here’s why:
Pop stars don’t write any music
If they’re not crooning a number written by a team of ghostwriters, they’re reciting a execrable rap over an old classic. Why pay a songwriter to do your job when you can lazily reprise a cover? Bonus: your mum will buy it too.
Pop music is unchallenging and safe
Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, key change, chorus, KILL ME NOW. It’s just lazy songwriting. How about inserting a bridge that actually goes somewhere? A clever key change that’s not just a facsimile performed at a higher range? Pop music rarely ventures outside its comfort zone, save for when it decides to piss on current musical trends (see: Spears, Britney dropping a dubstep section into Hold it Against Me). Oh look, another bandwagon to jump on and ride till it’s red raw.
Everyone wants to become a pop star. No one wants to put in the work
X-Factor is full of little pussies tearfully proclaiming that stardom is their dream. But they don’t want it hard enough to put in the time learning to play an instrument, write good songs and master their art while playing hundreds of shows to build up a fan base. They want the easy route: the shortcut to fame with big budgets and major labels to take care of all the dirty stuff.
“Did you see how hot Beyonce looks in her new vid?”
Wait, I thought this was about music? It’s not a fucking beauty pageant! I can appreciate a smouldering starlet as much as the next guy, but what does a singer’s appearance have to do with her musical ability?
[tweet httpss://twitter.com/GSElevator/status/419542469429428224]
Live pop performances aren’t live
Why do people think that lip-synching is acceptable? You’re rinsing £30 on watching someone dance around the stage to a CD. “But that’s not the pop star’s fault – it’s impossible to dance like that and sing at the same time!” Damn, and there was me thinking the singer’s role was to sing. You had one job, Katy Perry, and you couldn’t even do that.
Then there’s the backing band, whose greatest skill appears to be ‘playing guitar’ when there isn’t any guitar in the mix. Can you imagine going to a Black Sabbath gig where Tony Iommi’s guitar wasn’t plugged in? No rock band would ever consent to ‘perform live’ without their instruments – apart from Red Hot Chilli Peppers, who did just that at last week’s Super Bowl. Facepalm.
One Direction unplugged
There’s five singers in a band but no one plays any instruments
I don’t get how ‘bands’ like this form.
“Hey I can sing, what about you?”
“Yeah I can sing too.”
“Cool, let’s get another singer. Anyone play guitar?”
“No, but Ronan can sing too.”
“OK we’ll get him in as well.”
“Awesome. Now we just need one more singer…”
People think Lady Gaga is edgy
Gaga shows off her outie vagina
Bitch please. If you think Lady Gaga is outré, you should try listening to The Dillinger Escape Plan. Their noise will blow your mind. Not in the hyperbolic Viralnova sense of the word: it will genuinely cause your brain to seep out your skull. Dillinger aren’t even that edgy, yet they make Lady Gaga seem as dangerous as a box of Andrex puppies.
I recently had the displeasure of watching a Rizzle Kicks performance on TV and it occurred to me that this is not music. Therefore it shouldn’t be treated as such. Pop is for people who have no real interest in music; it’s a means for 14-year-olds to troll grown ups on the bus and a way for rich men to get richer still. Don’t indulge them.
tl;dr Pop sucks. Listen to Slayer.
—★★★—
Follow @kaigadesign When he’s not ranting about pop music, Craig Scott does graphic and web design. Check out his work at KaigaDesign.com or add him on Twitter to see what he’s been up to.
As someone who listens primarily to classical, I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you for putting this in words.
I’d just like to add my reply to whenever someone tries to justify concert lip syncing. “Nobody can sing and dance at the same time!” “Bitch, please. Every seen Kristen Chenoweth sing “One Short Day” while dancing? Live? With actual real notes? How about Anita screaming her lungs out singing in “America”? Oh yeah! I know why they can! They are actual professionals.
They didn’t just get bored one weekend and post a stupid iPhone video on YouTube. They worked months and learned songs in hours.”
You freakin rule for writing this.
THANK YOU FOR THIS. Diehard queen fan here.
I despise pop music as well.I had to make that clear upfront. But, (god do I hate saying “but”) the thing that is sad is some of these popular artists actually have talent and just seem to have sold out. Like you commented on it seems to be about appearance instead of the music. And in some cases I have seen less skin and a strip bar than some of the ways these female petformers are wearing. It boggles the mind. Maybe I don’t get and I hope I never do.
Lmao. Bitch ass. In the end you’re just an unlikable puto.
I hate modern pop music so much that if I am dancing to a good tune and I somehow get the lyrics, I fucking stop dancing.
Metallica IS pop music dumbass
metallica is METAL or at least they used to be.
Thse are the most stupidest reasons to hate pop music.
“most stupidest”
LOVE this article!
I think one key reason that you missed out is the shameless predictability of the chords… the chord progressions you see in billboard hot 100 with artists like Miley ******* Cyrus or 1D – they’re all the same! What makes this worse is that these people will rack in megabucks whilst struggling, lesser-known artists, are actually in many cases producing good music! I know this sounds pretty elitist … but it’s the truth
Brilliant article. As singer Gary Numan used to constantly tell the British press that to him music was a buy product and that he had no musical interest what so ever. He often said he used the music business to get rich and buy planes and cars. He had limited skill on instruments and had pro-musicians brought in. He wrote his own songs but confessed that he reworked other artists songs. And this was 1980.
Tbh i love old school hip hop and rap and the beat of the new school with the mixing in softcore dubstep. I HATE POP MUSIC. Its terrible! It pollutes America! They ain’t got no bars or any other good qualities! (I listen to the GOOD new school hip hop that is good in most areas). My school is full of white kids trying to be “black” thinking they can say the N word, trying to wear bandanas, saying they are from the hood while they clearly have lived in the suburbs their whole life. Wherever I go all I hear is [insert trashy pop lyric here]. Pop ain’t dunkin donuts, we need a change here.
Some reasons are out right false. Michael Jackson( hate or like his music) wrote some of his biggest hits by himself and were all critically acclaimed and rightfully so. Prince( hate or like him) wrote all of his stuff and was all critically acclaimed and rightfully so. Now these are the exceptions of course , and I think there are more. That being said Mettalica is awesome. Don’t get the big deal about Slayer, just a bunch of screaming to me. Better music is Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones .