Bites & Pieces
70 Haymarket Terrace
Tel: 0131 337 6072
As names go, Bites & Pieces is pretty bad. Their food may be good, but this in no way atones for the shockingness of the appellation. Why do all shopkeepers and restaurateurs feel obliged to conceive godawful puns with which to christen their premises? You don’t get undertakers opening the Amigone Funeral Home or solicitors forming the Wright Hassall Partnership. In the food industry however, it’s ROFL-copters and LOL-athons galore, with Edinburgh boasting the Love You Long Thai restaurant, Glasgow the Wok This Way takeaway and Aberdeen the Alaskan See newsagents. Then there’s the bakery that was featured in The Sun today, not for the quality of its poppyseed loaves, but because it happens to be named Nice Baps.
Bites & Pieces (which, in case you haven’t noticed, is an awesome play on words) can be found on Haymarket Terrace, sandwiched between a host of other identical looking sandwich shops. Is it really possible for all these premises to sustain themselves when there’s an average of 2.3 commuters to every caff? Probably not, but perhaps they’re all just fronts for money laundering, in which case avoiding five-oh is probably more important than turning a profit from sales of homemade houmus.
From the outside, B&P (let’s never use its dreadful name again) looks just like every other sandwich shop in Haymarket. From the inside however, well, it still looks like every other Haymarket sandwich shop. But don’t let that fool you – if you can see past the stupid name and ingenuous exterior, there’s some seriously good food here. I mean, when was the last time you encountered a sandwich shop selling a hot roast of the day served up in a roll? (Are there any dishes that sandwich shops haven’t tried to serve between two pieces of bread by the way – custard perhaps?)
Most cafe owners, when chalking up their menu board, tend to go for the ‘If in doubt, add an apostrophe’ approach, causing erudite bloggers to tut in disgust upon walking past and spotting signs for Baked Potato’s [sic], Wrap’s [sic] and lots of other [sic]-inducing grammatical abortions. Bites & Pieces go for the opposite approach, making their menu board an apostrophe-free zone altogether. (Todays [sic] Specials etc). If you’re going to screw up your grammar, it makes sense to save chalk in the process, otherwise you’d have been quicker just spelling it right in the first place. Props to B&P for having such foresight.
As well as the usual sandwich fillings, B&P’s deli fridge stocks such delights as garlic mushrooms and cottage cheese with peaches. The possibilities for creating inedible sandwiches out of incompatible foods are endless. With ample seating, homemade burgers, breakfast rolls and early opening, there really is little to fault with B&P. Apart from the name of course. We’re not vindictive however, so will resist the urge to bang on about it for the remainder of the review. That would just be vindictive. And childish. And immature. But seriously – Bites & Pieces? What were they thinking?
Try: The wi-fi. It’s free, and if you ask nicely, they’ll probably toast it up in a panini for you.
Avoid: Superciliously taking Bites & Pieces to task over their rubbish name and poor grammar.
Sandwich & 500ml juice £2.95
Breakfast rolls £1.30
Roast of the day in a roll £2.75